Worst Case Scenario: Valentine’s Day is an article I wrote and drew up last night and is now available on CollegeHumor. I enjoyed making this, so much so that I wrote it instead of getting a good night’s sleep. Now I’m too tired to think up anything snappy to say about it! Here it is! Happy romance event! Blargle!
I wrote this simple little argument today for CollegeHumor. It is a humor article meant to provide some solace to my fellow nerds in this, the season of romance, and does not represent the actual views of Owen Parsons or his subsidiaries.
In real life, my girlfriend is busy studying medicine, and has no free time to read my articles on CollegeHumor. Let’s all promise not to tell her about this one.
CollegeHumor has been around for over a decade (which is like a century in website-years), but we’ve never done anything charitable. That changes today with LOLaid. We are raising money for Haiti relief, and if you chip in we’ll send you some exclusive CollegeHumor originals we are never going to post anywhere else.
Here’s how it works -
- Go to FirstGiving.com/CollegeHumor and make a donation to Doctors Without Borders. This wonderful organization is in Haiti providing still much-needed emergency assistance to those who need it, and your donation could help provide them with much needed supplies.- After you donate you will get an email with a link to three CollegeHumor videos you are never going to see anywhere else. There’s a Hardly Working, a Jake & Amir, and a commercial parody that has lingered unreleased for years because we thought it was too offensive. That’s right, we are using the lure of something upsetting to encourage donations to a good cause. Like I said, we’ve been on the Internet for a while now.
- That’s it. There is no third step! Just enjoy the videos and encourage your friends to donate. That link again is FirstGiving.com/CollegeHumor. Go! Donate! And if you can’t donate, help us spread the word then find someone who can!
(via hatstamp:whiskeyandgoatsmilk)
Salvador Dali guest stars on the old game show “What’s My Line?”
This is completely and totally awesome and amazing.
Yes it is.
Every day that you do not read Nedroid is another day that you miss wonderful comics like these.
Number Three in a List of Things That Are Uncool Enough to Be Cool Again:
Fruit.
Fruit seems pretty lame. It’s healthy (strike one), it comes from nature (strike two), and it sustains our smug vegan population (strike three). Americans live in a world where Twix bars are the perfect shape to dunk through the hole in a Dr. Pepper can. There’s no room left in our diets for fruit, unless it is a loop, a roll-up, or measured by the foot.
In olden times, fruit may have been a major dietary staple for ancient cultures, but these cultures hadn’t yet invented BBQ-flavored squeezable yogurt (patent pending). Also, ancient cultures were stupid. You couldn’t go to a doctor in olden times without him drilling a hole through your skull to check for witches. If you stepped out of a time machine and showed them a Twizzler, they’d burn you at the stake and then make that Twizzler their king.
But as humanity evolved, witches became less omnipresent as food became more extreme. We learned that oranges will help your immune system, but Capri Sun will turn you into an extreme skater made out of liquid-metal awesome. Sorry, oranges! Begone with you and your earthen-colored ilk.
So case closed, right? Wrong. Why would you think that? There’s clearly more text here.
Pick up an apple. Go ahead. Toss it around. Pretty good heft, right? Now try a grapefruit. Even better. Now pick up a pineapple. Holy crap, you’re thinking, I could defend my home with one of these. Just like the ancient cultures did. They discovered that fruit is great for throwing at people the moment they first hurled rotten apples at a terrible actor, or slung cantaloupes at the honor guard of King Twizzler the First.
As a chuckable food, fruit has no equal. Potato chips don’t fly straight. You can’t frighten a man with a Ho Ho, unless he’s allergic to gluten or French. But lift a watermelon over your head and scream in primal rage, and your coworkers immediately know you mean business.
Fruit: Nature’s Edible Artillery.
This pear has seen things no pear should see.
CollegeHumor Offline - February 18th, Gramercy Theater. Get your tickets now, only $13.
If you’ve ever wanted to catch one of our live shows but couldn’t rationalize making the trip to NYC for only 60 minutes of comedy, I’ve got some great news for you: CH Offline is a full 90 minutes! Phantom, Jake and Amir, Gale Beggy, Hardly Working Live, CH Originals Live, special guests and standup from Jeff, Dan and I.
It’s gonna be a big show, hope to see you there.
Best Animated Feature
- Coraline — Henry Selick
- Fantastic Mr Fox — Wes Anderson
- The Princess and the Frog — John Musker and Ron Clements
- The Secret of Kells — Tomm Moore
- Up — Pete Docter
Killer field this year for animated films. The only one on here I haven’t heard anything about is The Secret of Kells, but if the stills are to be believed it looks something like a watercolor Genndy Tartakovsky cartoon, which is great news.
Apologies to it and the other great films on this list that had the misfortune to come out the same year that Pixar released a perfect movie.
Some great advice here for those of you who want to leave your mark on the web.
